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Sunday, 9 July 2017

CBeebies. For Grown Ups, Not Kids. 

If you have a child under the age of six then chances are that CBeebies is a regular presence in your household. If you're a new parent you may find you flick on CBeebies with great trepidation. You may still be under the illusion that you don't need a TV channel to babysit your kids. But don't worry. You'll soon get over that little hurdle, and once you realise that CBeebies is life, oh how you will laugh and laugh at your initial reservations.

You see, I'm convinced that CBeebies is an adults channel DISGUISED as a kids channel. It pretends to be for the kids, but really it's main purpose is to serve the parents. Don't believe me? Then look at the evidence! 

1. It reminds us what day of the week it is. Don't tell me that any child under 6 actually gives a shit about giving it up for Friday! Of course they don't! Adults on the other hand very much do like to give it up for Friday. We also rely on these little weekday melodies. It helps us remember to attend appointments, take our little cherubs to school. 

 It helps us live life.           

2. We're not only reminded of the day but we're also given little prompts throughout those days! And what makes it better is that all this is mainly done through the medium of song! Andy gives us a nudge at lunch time by asking us what's on our plate, and the CBeebies bedtime hour lets us know that soon it will be time to boot the little blighters in to bed. Brilliant!! 

3. When 'Bedtime hour' finally does arrive, CBeebies ensures that a celebrity is kindly waiting to read our child a bedtime story, so that we can rest our vocal chords and gaze upon our children adoringly whilst sipping Gin. 

4. Sometimes Tom Hardy reads the bedtime story. On these occasions we can gaze upon him adoringly instead, whilst we tell our children to "Shhhhh! The sodding bedtime story is on! With Tom Hardy!"

5. Slightly off topic, but whilst we're on the CBeebies subject I may as well ask. What the fuck is Flop actually meant to be? 

6. Mr Bloom (Hubba Hubba!) I'm not sure what his accent is and my tiddlers can take him or leave him (further evidence that CBeebies isn't for kids), but he can introduce me to his veggies any day of the week. 

7. Did I mention Tom Hardy?

8. What about Andy? Would we give him a bash?

And Mr Tumb..... 

Ok too far.

9. Although Pat Clifton AKA Postman Pat gets right on my tits, he does actually represent a realistic picture of the utter incompetence of some people within (let's call it) the mail service. He also simultaneously provides a handy scape goat for when you order your kids birthday presents too late. 

"That bloody Postman Pat! He's obviously gone off to save some gerbil and forgotten to deliver your bloody present!"

10. Finally, how could we forget Chris and Pui with their fluttering kites. Possibly the best (babysitters) presenters of all time! Whenever these two are on you know you're safe to eat chocolate and crisps behind the fridge door as the kids sit mesmerised watching everyone show their 'groovy moves'

GOD BLESS CBEEBIES! 

Monday, 29 May 2017

Dear Mrs May, Lets Talk About The School Cuts 



Dear Mrs May,

Three Billion Pounds.

This is the sum of money that schools will have cut from their funding under your government.

Three Billion Pounds.

My child's school alone will have cuts of £82,563 by the year 2020. That's £-432 per pupil and 3 redundancies.
The redundancies have already been made. They were Teaching Assistants. Adults with vital roles in the support of our children and their education. Adults who have now lost their jobs and income.

Because of you.

You stood on the steps of Downing Street and promised you would run a country that works for EVERYONE.
Please explain to me how THIS works for everyone?
Because I'm struggling to understand.
I need to you to explain.
These cuts can only have negative consequences. An increase in class sizes and therefore lower standards of support, more pressure on teachers & loss of jobs, subjects being cut, as well as extracurricular activities.
Where does this leave our children? Our future generation.

You lied.

Under your government I don't see a country that works for everyone.
I see a country that works for the elite.
A country that is divided by social class.
I see a government that doesn't WANT working class children to excel.
Under your government how can I encourage my children to have hopes, ideas and ambition. How do I tell them they can be or achieve anything they want to.
When the support in their classroom decreases due to your cuts, and their education suffers, how do you propose I tell them that they're being punished for not belonging to the right social class?
How can I teach them to be open minded and never discriminate, when they themselves are being discriminated against?

I wish you could meet my son. He is 5. One of the youngest in his class. He is funny, loud and charismatic. He is behind his peers and is unable to work at the same level as them, therefore needing support from a teaching assistant. A teaching assistant who along with myself is helping him learn to read, supporting him to form letters, teaching him to have confidence. A teaching assistant who has just been made redundant as a result of your cuts.
Although I'm reassured the school will do everything to maintain a decent level of support, they can only work with the tools they have. And you're stripping those tools from them, one by one.

It's more than likely my son will have to go down the route of applying for funding to aid his learning. That means fighting to place a label on him that we do not want just so he can have a decent amount of educational support.

If you care about the children of this country. ALL the children in this country, you need to recognise that they aren't numbers on a page that can be shifted about. They are human beings.
Give our children the opportunity to become what they strive to be and reconsider these cuts to our education system.

Our children are not a burden on the country's finances.

They are an investment in its future.



Wednesday, 17 May 2017

The Fish Finger Brigade 

I write this at the risk of being seen as a Katie Hopkins of the blogging community.
*Shrugs*
It's not like I'm Miss Popular anyway. My 'stats' aren't brilliant, I don't run (or join many) linkys, and I don't do 'giveaways' or reviews. I'm a very small fish in a very large pond. As are many others. 
But I don't blog for other bloggers. I blog for the people who read what I have to say. Other parents who can relate. And again, like many others, that's the reason I started blogging. To reach out. To let others know they weren't alone.
I guess I fall in to the 'Slummy Mummy' category. Apparently if you're honest about your feelings in regards to parenting that's the title you are granted these days. And yes, I was a bit pissed off when I read the Daily Mail article that asks Why Are So Many Women Boasting They're Slummy Mummies? The article after all was mainly slamming female bloggers for representing this type of Mum.
Now, on any other day I probably would have joined the Fish Finger Brigade of bloggers who posted selfies with numerous frozen products, showing #solidaritea for some of the writers that were mentioned in the article.
But not yesterday.
Because something else had also happened that morning that needed discussing. Something that probably affected the parents we as bloggers try and reach out to, more than an article slamming The Unmumsy Mum.
Because live on 'This Morning' Gino D'Acampo made a statement that there is no such thing as fussy eaters in children. Just stupid parents. He went on to say parents weren't firm enough with their children, and advocated sending them to bed with no dinner if they didn't like what they were served.
And not one single fucking word was said about it.
Well, it probably was, but my newsfeed was swamped with fish finger selfies so I probably missed it.
I totally get the whole "sticking it to the man" thing. I stick it to him on a regular basis. But right now there are hundreds of parents out there who watched This Morning and are now asking themselves if they're stupid. Are they letting their kids down? Are they failing?
I dare you to ask Mothers who aren't in the blogging community if they even saw the Daily Mail article yesterday.
 I asked them. And they were completely unaware. The ones I spoke to DID see This Morning however.
Let's be frank. The Article was shitty. But it was mainly shitty for bloggers. And let's face it, we're big girls and we're used to this. When you write things for the whole internet to see, you're going to get crap. It's standard.
The Unmumsy Mum wrote an amazing response and basically said everything that needed saying. She said it for all of us. And she said it with class. When I starting seeing the Selfies flooding in supporting the 'Slummy Mummy' genre of bloggers I thought it was great! I love a good old selfie that supports my fellow women!
But as they continued, something just didn't sit right with me. Each selfie was staged differently, with passionate words of support and #solidaritea.
But then I saw comments of how one blogger had copied another persons selfie. And I began to think "what the actual fuck?"
Was this a message of support or a blogging competition? Were these bloggers just proving Anna May Mangan right when she said the 'slummy mummy' movement was a battle amongst bloggers rather than an attempt to depict any reality within the underlying message.
For the majority of you I know that's nonsense. I know you blog in the way you do because you want to let other parents know they are not alone, and it's ok to be a bit shit. But whilst defending your blogs you failed to defend the very people who you write your blogs for!
Collectively we kind of failed the hundreds of mothers who had no clue about this article, yet did sit watching 'This Morning' where they were told they were 'stupid.'
The Mothers of children with Avoidant/Restrictive food intake disorder, Mothers of children on the Autistic Spectrum, Mothers of children with a Sensory Processing Disorder, and Mothers with children who are just fucking fussy and we respect their right to be so!
So I'm with you standing in #solidaritea against Anna May Mangan, but we also need to stand against the hurtful and dangerous words uttered by Gino Decampo.
Because fuck him.
So my selfie of support does not include fish fingers (that my child does in fact eat, whilst I do In fact slug on a glass of wine), but includes an array of beige foods which at one point was the only colour food my child would even entertain eating.
Because THAT is reality too!
And it's ok!