I've been AWOL for a few days due to a house move and zillions amount of stress.
What stress? I hear you ask. Well let me tell you..THE SCHOOL RUN.
In the old house I had timed the school run almost to perfection. However, the new house is further away and therefore entails a longer walk. With longer walks comes more 'snailing,' where your child literally walks and dawdles at the pace of a snail for the entirety of your journey.
Being smug and setting myself up for failure immediately I worked out that it took me approximately 25 minutes to walk it to the school from the new house. Taking 'snailing' in to account I added 15 minutes on to this time and came up with an estimation that if we left the house at 8:00am we would arrive at school at 8:45am.
How wrong could I have been?
I've underestimated 'snailing.'
I didn't think there could be more to 'snailing' than what I had already witnessed.
So off we set at 8:00am with the wind in our hair, a school book bag, and a Goofy soft toy for show and tell. We make it to the end of the street before Goofy wants to walk and therefore we have to slow right down so his feet can touch the ground and he can be dragged along the dirty floor for several hundred yards. I'm getting slightly impatient at this point. This has added 3 minutes on to the journey.
We then approach a subway, which we don't need to use but of course Oliver decides that it exists and therefore he must use it! So 2 minutes are added on so that he can walk down the steps and then come up the ramp at the other end, where I'm stood waiting for him and gritting my teeth.
We finally make it in to the town centre. I look at my watch. We have to be at school in 15 minutes.
With a town centre comes shops. Shops that have prematurely dressed their windows in Christmas decorations. Great! Let's stop and look at every single Christmas tree with snow falling from it and snow globes! (Yes Clintons, I'm talking to you!)
After many sighs of "yes that's a Christmas tree, come on! Yes I can see the snow, come on! Oh yes that's a snowman in that snow globe COME ON OLIVER! We finally make it past....to the market stalls, where someone has thoughtfully laid out a box of McDonald's toys going for 50p.
Let's rummage all through these toys, identify the ones that we already have, sitting in a box at home going dusty, and pick out the ones that we "always wanted but never got!"
We now have 5 minutes to get to school. We're never going to make it. This is just bloody ridiculous. I shoo him along with false promises of coming and having a look after school and continue walking.
We approach Morrisons. Oliver wants an apple.
"You can have an apple at school!" I tell him..well..beg him actually.
But no, that isn't good enough. We have to go in to Morrisons and buy one singular apple. But low and behold, what greets us at the entrance? An array of Halloween treats! Shortbread bats, cupcakes decorated with spooky icing and toffee apples. We have to stand there and admire them before Oliver picks up a bat and proudly announces, "I'll have this one"
"But we came in here for an apple!" I splutter!
And here comes a tantrum. So we exit the shop with no shortbread and no apple. I'm now running with him in my arms and sweat dripping down my forehead. I swizz him round so I'm now giving him a piggy back. I'm resorted to piggy backing my 4 year old to school just to get there in time.
We make it. Although I now have sweat patches and my fringe is stuck to my forehead.
I decide that after school I will let him browse at everything on the way home to try and lessen the chance of snailing the next day. Do you know how long it took us to get home? ONE HOUR AND FOURTY FIVE MINUTES!
And did he reduce his snailing the next day?
Did he buggery.