Saturday, 15 August 2015

7 Ways How You Should (NOT) Prepare For Your Child Starting School

1. Completely forget that they will have to wear a uniform, don't order one in time, and then run to Asda looking for a 'fake' one for them to wear on their first day.

2. Email the head teacher saying that you will be attending the 'Teddy Bears' picnic they've arranged to ease your child in to school, and sign off with your name, then in brackets  'Oliver's mum'  complete with a smiley/winky emoji

3. When asked to fill out a form on what your child can or can't do, write in neatly 'can't wipe his own Arse Anus  bottom'

4. When browsing through the uniform available (the one you will forget to purchase) at the introductory parents evening, ask if the coat donning the school emblem is mandatory or just for the geeks

5. When introduced to the PTA recoil in horror and use your husband as a human shield

6. Take your child to a morning classroom taster session, refuse to leave and instead pretend you're a TA for the day

7. Take obligatory photos of your child on their first day of school in their uniform and post it on Facebook. Although technically it will be their third day of school as you forgot to purchase an official uniform and they spent the first 2 days in  an Asda's George outfit.

So I think that just about covers all the things NOT to do when preparing for your child to start school. Unless you are me of course. Then you would obviously do all of these things and then blog about it in an attempt to create humour out of your otherwise shitty efforts at being a school starters mum!



  1. My middle son is starting in school in a few days and I have yet to get him shoes, a schoolbag, pencil case, one book... arrrrghhh I'm not gifted in the organisational dept and it's hellish #twinklytuesday

  2. Arrgh!! I've got a few years to wait before this thankfully but am already dreading things like — cake sales — world book day — and other such pressures!!! Particularly as I have twins!!! DOUBLE the amount of things for me to f**k up!! Thanks so much for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday — hope to see you again next week! x

    Caro |

  3. Lol, thanks for the advice! I've still got a year to go on this one but good to know what I should be trying not to do! :-)