I lived with this feeling for about 3 years. A constant battle to prove to others that I knew what I was doing, the persistent feeling of being judged and needing to justify every parenting decision I made, and every behavioural issue my son presented me with.
I turned to blogging. I decided to be truthful about things I went through in the hope that I would find other Mums who understood, or would be able to reach out to other Mums who felt exactly like me.
Blogging scared me. If anything I felt like I'd jumped out of the frying pan and in to the fire. There was this entire network of Mummy Bloggers and each one represented perfect parenting, lovely days out, and beautiful homely recipes that made me stare down at the beans on toast that were sitting on my lap.
Then I stumbled across a miracle. Julie Maida, who blogs from Next Life No Kids. I'd found something REAL! Someone who could identify weaknesses that we all have and find the humour in them.
After following Next Life No Kids I realised that it was so much more than a humorous blog page. There was real meaning, total lack of judgment, total truth.
I started seeing posts about The Mommitment.
A recognition that as mothers we need to stand together and support each other, not criticise and judge.
I found my voice.
I stopped caring. I no longer hid away or crawled in to myself when my son threw himself on the floor in the middle of the supermarket. I stopped feeling the need to justify everything I did, or didn't do. I no longer bashed myself as a mum. I'm a fricking great mum!
I do stupid things, I'm not super organised, I don't have much decorum (as my mum would say), and I can sometimes (ok most of the time) be a bit immature. But I AM ME! I am a Mum. And I try my best.
Some days I'm hopeless, tired, worn out. I am never perfect. I never will be. But I am perfect to my son. And after all, isn't his the only opinion that matters?
In a world that is filled by perfect images on Instagram, blogs about helicopter parenting and constant twitter battles about breast v bottle, a woman needs somewhere to turn and say "hey! My kid drove me crazy today and I'm kind of losing it." And instead of being bombarded with comments of how you should do this, and you shouldn't have done that, you are instead embraced with "completely understand! Are you ok?"
And "I'm going through this too! You're not alone!"
This is what The Mommitment does for me. I have a network of support that I can turn to and be greeted with open arms and non judgment.
But we shouldn't need a group of mums that we can turn to.
We should be able to turn to each and every mum and just be us. Be honest. Have no fear of judgment. We can ALL make a Mommitment to stop criticising, and provide support and encouragement. Because every mother has her own struggles. She doesn't know yours and you don't know hers.
Join us and make your Mommitment!!!