Wednesday, 11 November 2015

I Hope You're Going To Smack Him For That

Yesterday a complete stranger instructed me to smack my child. He hadn't actually done anything wrong but that's beside the point. When did this become acceptable?
The statement came as such a shock that I actually stood there and tried to justify why I wasn't going to smack him. To a complete stranger. 
Is this what we have to do now? Defend ourselves in the street when our parenting style is frowned upon by others?
When I stated that I didn't believe in smacking as a form of punishment (that was me justifying my actions, or should I say lack of them, right there) the man asked me why. 
"Because I don't believe in teaching children that physical aggression is ok"
I was then accused of being a tree hugging, vegan hippy, whose son would grow up to be a delinquent.
At that moment I was wondering if actually now would be the time to show Oliver that sometimes physical aggression is ok and punch the man standing in front of me square in the face. 
I resisted. 
Instead I explained that I hadn't hugged any trees recently and quite enjoy a nice bacon and egg sandwich, but thanks for the stereotyping and judgment. 
"My father used to hit me when I did something wrong and it did me good!"
I beg to differ my friend. You see, you are now stood before a complete stranger encouraging them to hit a four year old, berating and quite frankly verbally abusing their mother and in all honesty it appears to me that all those beatings have turned you in to nothing but a pain in the arse. 

I was going to blog an open letter to this piece of shit but everything I felt needed to be said I did say before ordering him to get away from us immediately. 
But for the rest of the day I was left feeling angry. Angry to the point that I've felt the need to write about it. 
So I'm going to turn that anger on its head right now and say thank you to the awful little pea brain instead. Thank you for showing me that no matter what people say to me, they can never change my morals and values when it comes to the way I raise my child. Thank you for reiterating the exact reason why I DON'T smack my child. So he will grow up to respect other human beings and hopefully not randomly approach people in the street and make rude remarks. Thank you for allowing me to illustrate to my son that your behaviour yesterday was unacceptable and for enabling me to show him that people like you can be dealt with by a smart mouth and a willingness to stand by your own opinions. 
I don't care if people want to smack their kids. If that works for them, that's great. I don't want to smack mine. And I especially don't want to be instructed in the street to do so by a complete stranger. We all have different morals and values. This was just an undiluted version of typical judgment that mums have to go through every day.
In the past I've been judged for co-sleeping, breastfeeding, working full time, not having a clean enough house, having a child who won't eat veg, having a child who knows what zombies are, letting my child speak to strangers, and allowing my child to chase pigeons in the street. I can take it. I can take it all. I know I'm a great mum. I'm not up to some people's standards, but I don't care. I don't strive to meet anyone's standards except my sons, and my own. I know that hitting is just a total deal breaker for us. 
So seriously people!
Because this tree hugging, hippy vegan with a delinquent son has had quite enough! 


  1. Once again bang on. This has probs been said before but I am a dad and often, not in this blog i hasten to add, I get a bit hacked orf that its all about mums. In the judgement stakes though, for some reason, my wife gets a very shitty end of the stick. People, and I include family members here, dont judge me anywhere near as much as her which, apart from anything else, is just weird. Why would she deserve to be negatively judged more than me...we parent in roughly the same way so it can only be because she is a woman....that is messed up. The blog is great, one of my fave reads and def my fave about parenting so keep it going and dont let the small minded fuckwits win!!!

  2. Thankyou so much!! That is a really good point! I think it's mainly due to the fact that most judgment comes from mums towards other mums, where as most dads tend to be a bit more, how can I put it? Less bitchy? Lol! Thankyou for your comment though! Definitely put a smile on my face!

  3. It continues to amaze me how many people in the world feel it is their place to comment on others' parenting styles or skills. If the child is in immediate danger - you can address it. If not - it's best to stick with the old "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." I take moments like these as reminders to publicly ENCOURAGE other parents - so after someone has pissed me off, I make it a point to tell the next mom I see what a great job she's doing, and to find something specific to compliment (how well behaved the children are at the cafe table, how great it is to see parents bringing their kids to the library, etc...) If more of us take the time to focus on the positive - in our own parenting and other people's - it'd be a much happier world. Nice to find you on #TwinklyTuesday !

  4. I cannot believe that he had the audacity to tell you how to parent your own child!! WTF is wrong with some people?! You did very, very well *not* to punch him in the face, just to prove you're not the tree hugging hippy he'd labelled you as. Unbelievable! Thanks so much for linking up with us on #TwinklyTuesday