Wednesday, 25 November 2015

Royal Fail

I was so excited on Saturday. My vintage shabby chic shoe racks were due for delivery and I couldn't wait to get those bad boys up in our brand new house. 
Around lunchtime I peered out my window and saw the Royal Mail delivery van pull up. 
Yay!! They were here! 
The delivery guy walked up the path and I darted to the next room to get my front door keys. Instead of a knock however, I heard something come through the letterbox.
I ran back with my keys to see that the delivery man had posted a 'missed delivery' slip without even knocking to see if I was in. 
I unlocked the door and shouted (donning a onesie and my dressing gown) 
"Wait! wait! I'm here! WAIIIT!"
He turned, looked at me, got in his van and drove off.
I rang the number left on the 'missed delivery' slip and lodged a complaint with a very rude woman who spoke over me throughout the whole conversation.
"Do yer wannit redelivered?"
"YES! Of course I do! NOW! He's literally just driven off my street! Send him back!"
"Errr drivers don't carry mobiles wiv 'em"
Who in this country today does not carry a mobile?
For F***s sake!!
"When can you redeliver it?"

Tuesday came. No parcel. At 5pm I rang again.
"Where the eff is my effing parcel?"
(I didn't really say that but you get the drift of my annoyance)
"It will be with you before 6pm."

6pm came. No parcel. I waited until the following day and then rang again, explaining the whole charade to the next unfortunate person who happened to answer the phone to me. 
"You're not going to like what I'm about to say but it's coming up on the screen that they have lost the item"
LOST IT! It's 2 shoe racks!! How can they possibly be lost! It specifically said on the 'missed delivery' slip that the items were "TOO BIG TO DELIVER!"
How can items TOO BIG TO DELIVER be lost?
They aren't lost are they. No, it's obvious. The delivery guy saw my vintage shabby chic shoe racks and thought "oooh my wife would like these. They'd make a great Xmas present! I know, I'll post a 'missed delivery' slip through the recipients door so it looks like I attempted to deliver them and then I'll just steal them. Because I'm a dick.
That's what happened isn't it?

Apparently they are going to request a full search of the office which can't possibly be done until the weekend. 
That's great. If the thieving postman hasn't already taken my shoe racks home, he now has plenty of time to do it before he gets caught red handed.
I can just imagine his shoes stacked up on MY rack as I type, whilst my footwear remains homeless, miserable and piled on top of one another. 

So thanks a lot postman twat. 

There's just been a knock at the door.
It's my shoe racks
*insert embarrassed face*

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