Kids are hardy little creatures, but despite their tough natures there are some things we just can't say to them, and as parents we rely on saying things that have actually no resemblance to whatever it is that we are really trying to say, to avoid having to say the things that we really want to say.
I know! It's complicated.
I've become so good at saying things that I don't really want to say in order not to say something I do want to say that I don't know what I'm saying anymore.
And I don't stop at children. I've perfected this technique to be adult friendly too. And I'm guessing that if you have a child that is now walking/talking you'll have started to perfect your own techniques and may use some of the following!
Kids! What we say and what we mean!
"In a minute"
I'm hoping you'll get distracted and forget about whatever it is you've just asked me to do.
"Do you want to play with my phone?"
I'm willing to trade off my personal belongings to you just for five minutes peace, where you can stare zombified at YouTube clips and I can close my eyes.
"I'm not going to tell you again!"
I've already told you to stop whatever it is you're doing 13 times in 5 minutes. But THIS TIME Mummy is seriously going to lose her shit. But no doubt I AM going to tell you again because from the day you were born you've been working on weakening my soul.
"Because I said so"
Listen! I can't put up with much more of this "why" shit.
You've just caught me shoving a Bounty in my mouth behind the fridge door, because I'd rather lose my dignity like this than allow you to get your pudgy little hands on it.
Adults! What we say and what we mean!
"He's tired/She's teething"
I actually have no clue why they are acting like this other than they were put on this earth to kill me. Yes. Kill me.
"Excuse the mess"
I'm saying this so that you're aware that I'm not oblivious to the dump that I'm living in. Please refrain from eyeballing the cobwebs hanging from my ceiling.
"Thanks for suggesting that! I'll definitely try it"
You're an idiot. I'm never doing that to my child. Get the fuck out of my house.
"We'll have to do lunch one day with the kids!"
Or we can just sit and drink a bottle of prosecco?
Note: It's a complex case of communication malfunction and the list is not exhaustive.