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Sunday, 9 July 2017

CBeebies. For Grown Ups, Not Kids. 

If you have a child under the age of six then chances are that CBeebies is a regular presence in your household. If you're a new parent you may find you flick on CBeebies with great trepidation. You may still be under the illusion that you don't need a TV channel to babysit your kids. But don't worry. You'll soon get over that little hurdle, and once you realise that CBeebies is life, oh how you will laugh and laugh at your initial reservations.

You see, I'm convinced that CBeebies is an adults channel DISGUISED as a kids channel. It pretends to be for the kids, but really it's main purpose is to serve the parents. Don't believe me? Then look at the evidence! 

1. It reminds us what day of the week it is. Don't tell me that any child under 6 actually gives a shit about giving it up for Friday! Of course they don't! Adults on the other hand very much do like to give it up for Friday. We also rely on these little weekday melodies. It helps us remember to attend appointments, take our little cherubs to school. 

 It helps us live life.           

2. We're not only reminded of the day but we're also given little prompts throughout those days! And what makes it better is that all this is mainly done through the medium of song! Andy gives us a nudge at lunch time by asking us what's on our plate, and the CBeebies bedtime hour lets us know that soon it will be time to boot the little blighters in to bed. Brilliant!! 

3. When 'Bedtime hour' finally does arrive, CBeebies ensures that a celebrity is kindly waiting to read our child a bedtime story, so that we can rest our vocal chords and gaze upon our children adoringly whilst sipping Gin. 

4. Sometimes Tom Hardy reads the bedtime story. On these occasions we can gaze upon him adoringly instead, whilst we tell our children to "Shhhhh! The sodding bedtime story is on! With Tom Hardy!"

5. Slightly off topic, but whilst we're on the CBeebies subject I may as well ask. What the fuck is Flop actually meant to be? 

6. Mr Bloom (Hubba Hubba!) I'm not sure what his accent is and my tiddlers can take him or leave him (further evidence that CBeebies isn't for kids), but he can introduce me to his veggies any day of the week. 

7. Did I mention Tom Hardy?

8. What about Andy? Would we give him a bash?

And Mr Tumb..... 

Ok too far.

9. Although Pat Clifton AKA Postman Pat gets right on my tits, he does actually represent a realistic picture of the utter incompetence of some people within (let's call it) the mail service. He also simultaneously provides a handy scape goat for when you order your kids birthday presents too late. 

"That bloody Postman Pat! He's obviously gone off to save some gerbil and forgotten to deliver your bloody present!"

10. Finally, how could we forget Chris and Pui with their fluttering kites. Possibly the best (babysitters) presenters of all time! Whenever these two are on you know you're safe to eat chocolate and crisps behind the fridge door as the kids sit mesmerised watching everyone show their 'groovy moves'

GOD BLESS CBEEBIES! 

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